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Oh, me, don't you do anything any more?

Actually, I've been doing a lot. I just haven't been posting in my blog. 6_6

I've been pushing myself to write more and more lately. I've been setting myself deadlines lately because I am by nature soooo lazy. I'm feeling the way I did in college when I wrote a 25 page fairy tale transformation of Snow White in 24 hours. You can kind of get high off writing like that, because if you work fast you don't give yourself time to pause and build up inhibitions about what you put on paper. Maybe it's tiring, but it's not a bad feeling at all. ^o^

Lately I've been wondering where the rest of my interests have gone. Where are the dolls, the anime, the video games? Now all I do is write and read. I'm obsessed with fairy tales, dark children's literature, stories about people suffering in foreign countries... I hardly ever watch anime, but I consume Japanese-language manga like it's hot buttered popcorn. I never seem to finish video games any more--I haven't found one I've liked that much since Nocturne.

And the dolls? They're in here somewhere, like a childhood dream that I can't quite focus on. They will always mean something to me, but I have to be honest with myself. I'm never going to be a great doll artist. I've loved art since I was a kid but I've always had a problem with spatial relations and proportion. I know it shows in my painting. I'm not saying that I'm going to quit. I just feel that nowadays spreading myself thin over too many interests is too stressful. I have to admit that I like doll-making most of all for the characters I can create. If I were to take time out and struggle through life-drawing, I'd be just doing it to show off the end product. I'm sure that "real" artists have more passion than that!

I wouldn't ever want to cut myself off from the people who still love the things I used to love. I like to see people talking about things that excite them. I just feel like...all this time, I've been throwing myself into this creative hobby and that because I've been afraid of the hard work that comes with writing.

Who knows? Maybe now that I've gotten this off my chest my interest in doll-painting and all that other fun stuff will return. Of course, there's still knitting. I like knitting because it's functional, even if it dries out my hands. ^^;...

I guess I'm wondering what people think the focus of my journal is? I'm sure most people friended me because of shared interest in dolls, but now my blog seems to have no focus at all.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jun. 2nd, 2007 12:10 am (UTC)
That's good to hear! :D I think it's best that you write about what is important to you, even if it's not the current popular topic in blogs. I know I'm not a huge commentor in anyone's blog, but it's only out of sheer laziness. I always read!

I think people and their daily lives are fascinating, even though I feel like most of the time I'm hiding from them outside of the internet. ^_^...
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )